'Chok'-full of Bad Suggestions

  March   16, 2011

Many adults and particularly middle-aged adults are considering, especially in the light of the current economic downturn,  re-defining or re-inventing themselves. Some already have with varying degrees of success. A formerly employed architect acquaintance is  presently working for minimum wage at  William Sonoma. Hardly an optimum re-invention! ( Although he could do worse)

Several years ago I decided to redefine myself culturally-sexually as a ' Metro-non-anotomical-eunich' or to put another way, 'stylishly a-sexual' . This is not an anatomical  or physical liability, but rather a preference or choice. Choosing dark chocolate, an occasional beer, chips and the camaraderie of friendship over the complications of 'romance' and sex. So now we have perhaps a new designation in addition to the more or less standardized: 'straight' , ' gay' , ' bi-sexual' , and ' transgender' . The fifth although probably not final sexual orientation: 'Metro-non-anotomicalo-eunich' . (Sorry, but I have demoted cross-dressers to the simply 'self-dramatic' category. ) The flag is raised for re-definition if not re-employement. Like a bad pop-song without lyrics. Or a bad pop-song-with bad lyrics, (I am not quite sure of the distinction here.)

Friends have kindly made career and job suggestions, now that landscaping has dryed-up like a parched perennial creek in the August heat of the Mojave Desert. One suggested becoming a hospital entertainer for terminal or recuperating patients. But , I can't sing, and somehow I just don't think the critically ill want to see me tie balloons in the shapes of dachshunds, floral arrangements, and rocket ships, or listen the sound of my kazoo trilling,

" Do dah, do dah"

 Yes, we can fully imagine it. 

''Get the hell out of here!'' screamed the bed-ridden old man through the plastic cup of his respirator, knocking the pink balloon-poodle off his bed. Humility and peace of mind are not necessarily the terrain of the near dead,  and as much as we all need a good laugh, not all want it! Although I can attest that nothing is more bitter-sweet than a shared laugh with a terminally ill loved one.
Career Opportunities friends have suggested:
1.Turkish bath owner and in-house courtesan. Frankly there are numerous complications with this suggestion. Basiclly it doesn't fit into 'Metro-non-anotomical-eunich' lifestyle. And where is the investment capital to come from, much less the architect schooled in Moorish bath details? In Nevada one can paint a 'double-wide'  pink, slap a few fake columns on the front and open a house of pleasure. A 'double-wide'  would never hold up to the steam nor support the heavy tiling.
2.  Waiting Tables? The memory isn't good enough to remember who wanted what and what the special sauce  or soup of the day are. AND I'm a 'Klutz-estraordinaire!'
  " May I spill this soup on your lap please? Oh my, the 'bisque' on your expensive Italian slacks  matches your tie. Who knew?"
3. Semi- permanent or permanent un-employement now how taken on the euphemism of ' a window of time'.
  'Yes, '  the very, VERY late-middle-aged acquaintance says casually, 'I have this window of time to volunteer.' With the implied sub-text, that one better quickly take advantage of this 'narrow' window. Yes, as narrow as the Mississippi River in flood season!  But ' volunteerism'  is a consideration, if not a career option.
4. Throwing ceramic pots on the wheel for a local ceramics production co?

   I can't center the clay on the wheel so this is a no-go and have made this mistake before with considerable humiliation.
5. Life coaching? Yes, lets try to fix your life, when I can't fix mine.

6.  It was raining and snowing heavily in Boise two months ago in December when I left for the tropics , then two months of drought ensued while I was away, and now more rain and snow upon my return from the tropics. One career option might be to license and rent a stylized, contemporary 'Choc' ( Mayan Rain God) image of myself to the Idaho State Agriculture Dept. This rain god will be carved in big, heavy, impressive, basalt ( With copies in fiber-glass and faux basalt finish rented at a reduced rate) and installed on  portable  rain-god-squeeky-wheels. 'Porta-Steve-Chok', as it were. It could be pushed up a ramp and transported in one of the State Inmate Trustee vans, and driven out to some cloudy promontory  and rolled to the peak of a  ridge.  Push-'Squeek', pray- 'Squeek' make offerings- 'Squeek' .  The sky will piss cats and dogs and ski-snow and next summers irrigation water. Or it won't. 'Chok' loves prayers and offerings but hates suggestions.The Gods are fickle, after all.

Abrazos
Esteban