Macheteros

Jan 19, 2010 S.J.D.S. Nica.
Hola
This has been project week for the lot that I am ´encargado´ (Responsible for) with a multi-goal in mind: invest a little in neighbor relations and spread a little money around; assert property rights; remove trees before they are REALLY EXPENSIVE and chain-saw-removable size- next year; reduce weed and tick problems; and make the gringo neighbors happy by doing so. Properties down here should never look abandoned as the poorer locals get ideas. Tested the waters with hiring four of the older neighbor-squatter-kids, fledgling `macheteros` ( machete-wielding, human chain-saws and lawn mowers), to cut the trees, shrubs and weeds on the lot. You were asking if this is really `third world` down here? Well when did you last have oxen crap on your front lawn or have the yard `hand-groomed` with machetes?
I arrived by beach shuttle around 10:30 and they had been cutting since 7:00 am. Six kids-not four as agreed upon- showed up, the two youngest were probably five years old and with their own machetes. Machetes are like vestigial tails for the campesino men- and boys- down here, and suddenly appear if money is to be had clearing and cutting. Progress was evident but slow, and five-year-olds wielding and chopping with machetes made me nervous. I consulted Vince my gringo neighbor and he set me up with a professional adult `machetero´, who I met this morning at 7 A.M. for negociations. Vince explained a contract was of little legal veracity although it tended to make them nervous and therefore motivate them to complete the task and not screw you. Nothing like a local mentor to keep you in line!
Jose, a middle aged man, arrived on foot, walking down the tree-lined dirt lane, shirtless and machete in hand. His men were to show up a little later. I explained in Spanish, that I wanted him to sign the contract, and one could immediately see the apprehension on his face. To break the ice, I explained,
`` And with this contract you will be marrying my sister. She has no teeth (Pointing to my teeth) She walks with a limp ( I mimed a cripple limping). She has an `ample`figure ( I gestured obese) and some people say she is quite ugly. ( I nodded my head gravely, like ´ if you had any idea how ugly this bitch is...´)
Beat. Beat. He searched my eyes to confirm that this was indeed irony, then cracked up. The ice was broken. He signed the contract and work was begun.
´´Gracias senior, you will love my sister!!´´
He smiled, and waved.
Updates later.
Abrazos
Esteban